Freedom is never free. It costs one everything. For several days, I have been organizing/decluttering my house to make it into a home. For those of you who read my book, "Thirty Days of Thanks", (if you haven't, purchase it!), you know I'll need lots of prayer for this. It's been such an emotional experience, which I never expected. On several occasions, as I looked at the mess and tons of items accumulated, I've asked myself, "Melissa, how in the world did you get here?" and found myself crying out to God, "please help me, get rid of and through this mess." Of course, I want/wanted this cleaning process to be instantaneous and have my house completely brand new at the snap of a finger, because I'm busy and have so many other things to do. But what do you do, when God says, "No! This process is going to be slow because I need to deal with some mindsets and hurts and things that you have deeply tucked away in your heart." (Ugh!)
Here is where I wanted to go into full tantrum mode and say "But, why can't this one thing be easy since I never get breaks and easy?" (Ever realize how God does not care about tantrums and expects full obedience.)
In these cleaning moments, I've had to wrestle with the whys and how's. I've felt the tangibility of aloneness (not loneliness) and having to carry the weights of single parenthood, working full time, hustling full time, nurturing a special needs child, paying the bills, cooking most times from scratch, fixing all that is broken, community commitments, etc. by myself. It is only by God's grace that I have been able to carry these multiple loads! Throughout the years, as those loads extended, there was less time for the domestic work of deep cleaning and decluttering beyond the bathroom, kitchen and most times the living room.
In these recent cleaning moments, I've had to wrestle with breaking the mentality of "lack" and "survival mode" out of my life and rest in the promise of all my needs being met and supplied according to God's riches in glory. Because there were these ever present realities of lack and survival from my childhood until present day in almost every aspect of my life, I've learned to keep things for rainy days (even down to plastic bags) and buy bulk supply of things just so that I'm never without anything or so that a guest in my home will never lack anything. (That landed me the nickname Wanda!) I've held stuff, including furniture in my house, for folk such that I hadn't seen the floor of my foyer area in more than a year (and they still never came to pick up the stuff they told me to hold for them!) Never again will I do that! There were days, as I was cleaning, that God brought to my remembrance promises from so long ago that I had completely forgotten about or stopped desiring because the pain of delay was just too much to feel or hold. But, in God's mercy, He was reminding me that those promises could only be attained by the purging and pruning of this cleaning process. I had/have to get rid of the junk and the clutter to make room for the promise. I had to break the mindsets of lack and survival mode to be able to comfortably live in the overflow of abundance that God is providing in this new season.
This cleaning process is the purging process that gets me freer and closer to actual freedom. The emotional weight of letting go costs. The tears cost. But the payment of and fighting for this freedom is greater than all the cost. As I let go of stuff and not worry about the uncertainty around me, the peace I feel in my heart is indescribable. In this moment of cleaning and purging, I'm a mother nesting, in preparation for freedom and greatness and welcoming all the overflow of abundance that is coming and already here.
I pray that you are preparing for your freedom as well.